Just a Normal Day to the Naked Eye
by thexlastxfantasy
Summary: Poor Vinnie's having a rough week. First he accidently saw Cloud naked, and now he's stuck in a golf game that Genesis was supposed to go to. Very crackish and no yaoi. Well maybe just a little yaoi...


The original title was The Nude Curse, but I liked this new one better, also I had to fix some minor errors that would've bothered me till I died. Here is the new and basically the same version!

So...yeah there's really no explanation for this. I thought it up and decided to torture poor Vincent. Enjoy~

**Warning:** There's a lot of naked Cloud... and I don't own FF7

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><p>"Cloud...why are you running down the stairs naked?" Vincent's eyes were huge when he opened the door to Cloud's home to reveal the sight.<p>

"Um, well you see...me and Tifa were-" But Cloud couldn't finish before Vincent shuddered and walked out the door.

**...**

Vincent began to wimper as he sat down next to Reno at the bar. "What's wrong yo?" Reno asked as he looked at the paler than normal man.

"I just witnessed something terrible. Cloud was running down the stairs...naked." Vincent cringed at the image coming back in his mind.

"_Running?"_

"Running."

"Hey, there you are Vince, look I'm sorry about earlier, you came at a really bad time." Cloud walked into Seventh Heaven and sat down next to Reno.

"Man," Reno just shook his head."You don't go running when you have your birthday suit on."

"What? Oh, did he tell you about it?" Cloud grabbed a bowl of peanuts and thew a few at Vincent. "You need to learn to keep some things quiet."

"Stop throwing your nuts around yo!" Reno snickered. Vincent whimpered again and Reno fell off the stool laughing.

"Real mature Reno."

Vincent rushed out of the bar leaving a hysterical Reno and a glaring Cloud.

**...**

The next day Vincent thought the ordeal was forgotten, that was, until he walked back into Seventh Heaven later that night.

"Oh Vinnie! I'm sorry you had to see that traumatizing sight!" Yuffie yelled as she ran over to give him a hug. He tried to avoid her, but she trapped him against the wall. When she let him go the door to the bar swung open hard and hit Vincent in the face. When he saw it was Genesis who walked in he decided the safest place was to stay behind the door.

"Quick! Who knows how or likes to play golf?" The red head yelled. He had panic in his eyes.

"Um, I might have played a few times when I was a little kid, but I don't remember all the rules." Cloud spoke up.

"That'll work, you need a partner. Who Else?"

"What is this for?" Tifa walked over to Genesis and made him sit down on a stool before he had a panic attack.

"Some old friends of mine own this big company now and they want to talk business. Over a game of golf." He looked Tifa in the eyes. "I _hate_ golf. I'm afraid of those metal thingies that you hit the balls with."

"Golf clubs?"

"I don't care what they're called! Those balls are so tiny, how are you supposed to see it when it's heading towards you? One hit in the right spot on your head and you're a goner." He shook his head as he looked at the ground. "Do you know how many death's occur at a golf course a year? About one hundred! I could be one of those one hundred!"

"I think you have a better chance of getting eaten by a shark..." Cloud muttered.

Genesis snapped his head up. "Who's going to be your partner?"

"Hey, didn't Vincent say he used to watch golf? He must know a little about it." Cid suggested.

"Yeah!" Cloud looked around the room. "Where did he go?" Vincent stopped breathing and closed his eyes. He'd rather be brutally murdered than go on a golfing trip. Just because he watched it didn't mean he liked it. He heard the door squeak as he squinted open his eyes to see Cloud slowly closing the door. "Hey buddy," Cloud said real carefully so he wouldn't scare him away. "Would you like to go play a game of golf?" There was silence as the two men stared at each other.

"He has no choice. He's going." Genesis stood up and threw something towards Cloud. "You'll be needing these." Cloud caught it and looked down in his hand. It was a package of hot pink golf balls.

"Why pink?"

"Because I hate you." Genesis gave an evil cackle as he walked out.

**...**

"Are you ready to leave yet?" Vincent asked as he walked into Cloud's house the next day. He stopped and stared at what he was, unfortunately, witnessing. On top of the kitchen counter was a very naked Cloud and a very naked Tifa in a very awkward position. Time seemed to pause as all three of them locked eyes.

"Why are you doing it on the counter?" He yelled as he hid his face in his cloak.

"Why are you here so early?" Cloud yelled back.

"Genesis told us it would take an hour to reach the course! That still doesn't answer why you're on the counter! That's where you put food! I'm never eating here again!"

"Don't you know how to knock?"

"I was expecting to walk in to see you with golf clubs, NOT TIFA!"

"Why are you both yelling?" Tifa asked quietly.

"Tifa, I thought you were better than this." Vincent hissed as he ran out of the house.

**...**

"Where is he?" Cloud asked Reno.

"He's in the corner all huddled up. I tried to talk him out of his cloak, but he won't move. He looks like a scared kitten, poor thing. I never knew you and Tifa were so kinky yo."

"We're not kinky."

"You were on the _kitchen counter._ Most normal people do it in the bedroom."

"Can we stop talking about this? Hey Vinnie, I just want to apologize for everything." Cloud looked at the red ball in the corner. As he walked over it seemed to grow smaller. "Don't be like that Vince. People have walked in on a lot worse. I could've been by myself, and now that would've been a lot worse."

"I'd laugh."

"Shut up Reno. Vincent, please come out. Either you stay huddled up in your little red ball and get slaughtered by a very angry Genesis, or you can come out and play a game of golf and forget about the whole thing." A black head peeped out of the red mess followed by two deep red eyes.

"Welcome back yo!"

"There we go!" Cloud smiled, but Vincent ducked back into his cloak. "Come on Vinnie, I'll buy you a nice bottle of expensive wine if it'll make you feel better."

**...**

After pleading, apologizing, and running to the store to buy wine, they arrived to the game two hours late. Least to say, Genesis' old friends weren't too pleased. One of them almost broke down into tears when Cloud explained Genesis wouldn't be coming.

Half way through the game Vincent walked up to Cloud. "I'm bored."

"Me too Vincent, me too." They watched as one of Genesis's friend, Bernie, wiggled his butt to hit the ball. "Who knew Genesis had weird friends."

"Heh, looks like your up." Cloud sighed as he walked over to where his ball was at. He swung with more force than he intended. The ball went into the rough and out of sight. Cloud look for a minute before he gave up and asked Vincent to help.

"I think it may have rolled into those really tall cattails by the swamp." Bernie pointed. Vincent helped him search until he was about to pass out from the heat.

"Hey Cloud, let's just say we don't have any left and maybe we can end the game early."

"We really shouldn't do that...but what the hell, these people are weird."

"Do you think that's the real reason why Genesis didn't want to come?"

"Most defiantly."

"Did you guys find it?" Bernie asked.

"No, I'll just get a new one. Genesis supplied us with a lot." Cloud looked through his pockets."Where did my balls go?" He began to whine.

"I think I found them earlier..." Vincent said quietly.

"Relax, we'll let you use one of ours." Eugene, Genesis' other friend, said.

"Snap," Cloud said under his breath. "That sounds good!" Vincent glared at Cloud.

"You know Cloud, we can't stay too late. Marie won't like the fact that her daddy came home late."

"I didn't know you had a kid? How old is she?" Bernie smiled at Cloud.

"Um...well," he gave Vincent a look that said _'who the hell is Marie?'_.

"She's four. But she really isn't Cloud's. She's Reno's."

"Reno...isn't that that Turk Genesis complains about?" Bernie looked at Eugene.

"Most likely. You should meet him sometime, he's real nice. A little bit of a player, though." Bernie and Eugene both laughed at this.

"Vincent where are you going with this?" Cloud hissed

"Seriously though, Marie's a real nice little girl. I was so happy when Cloud decided to get in a relationship with Reno and adopt her. They make such a good family." Vincent's smile grew huge as the two stopped laughing and stared at Cloud. Cloud's mouth was hung open and he couldn't think what to say, so instead he just looked at Vincent.

"Oh...we didn't know you were like _that_. Eugene, I think we should end the game early. Let Mr. Strife go back to his," Bernie cleared his throat, "lover."

"Bu...bu..." Cloud still couldn't register what Vincent had just done. Cloud didn't talk until they got all their stuff together and were in the car going home. "What was that about?"

"Finally, I was beginning to think you had a stroke. Well, before I came over to your house Genesis stopped by to warn me. Apparently they're huge homophobes, so if we end up getting bored with them he told me to tell them we were in a relationship. I thought that would have been to awkward, though, so I chose someone else. Looks like it worked."

"Why me though!"

"Because that's what Genesis told me to do."

"Fine, I'm okay with you making me gay, but why with Reno?"

"..."

"Vincent," Cloud said through gritted teeth.

"You two make a cute couple. Yuffie's word not mine!" Vincent held up his arm to keep Cloud from striking him in the face.

"Please don't tell Tifa what happened." Cloud begged once he calmed down. "I'll never be able to look at her if you do! I'll have to go into hiding."

"Oh I plan on telling her. As soon as we get back I'm telling her the whole story."

"No!"

"Don't worry, you don't have to come back with me. I'll just say I lost you and now you'll forever be wandering around the golf course. She'll enjoy the story." Vincent began to give a deep laugh. "But I think Genesis will enjoy it even more."

**...**

Later that day Vincent joined Reno at Seventh Heaven. It was raining heavily outside. "It's a curse yo."

"A curse?" Tifa said coming back with their drinks.

"Yeah, that's why he keeps walking in on Cloud either naked or doing it with you." Tifa cleared her throat and blushed.

"It's not a curse. What maniac would be perverted enough to curse me with that?" Vincent looked at Reno.

"I could totally see Genesis or maybe Yuffie...yeah Yuffie!"

"Why on Earth would she do that?" Tifa looked at Reno like he was losing his mind.

"Because that way she can comfort him when he's scared."

"Huh...yeah that does kinda seem like Yuffie." Tifa walked away to serve two others that came in. Vincent just sighed. He walked off to the bathroom to dry off a little.

"Vince!"

"Why?" Vincent ran out of the bathroom and hid behind Reno. A few moments later Cloud came out putting on his shirt.

"What happened yo?"

"He...he was..._naked _again." Vincent hissed into Reno's ear.

"Ew man! What the hell were you doing in there?"

"No! No, nothing like that. I was just changing into dry clothes! I can't help it he walked in at the wrong time again." This caused Reno to break out into laughter. Vincent got fed up with the whole situation and lost it.

"Fine, since you seem to think it's a curse and hysterically funny I'll pass it onto you! You have now been cursed!" He angrily walked out and slammed the doors. Reno just shrugged and continued laughing.

**...**

"Hey Reno, do you think you could run to the gym real quick and pick up my glasses? I left them in the shower rooms." Rude asked as Reno was going out the door to pick up dinner.

"Sure man, but don't you have a spare you could wear?"

"...Tifa gave me those."

"Ah, still have your little crush yo?" Reno chuckled as he headed towards the gym.

When he got there he discovered they were closed, but the doors were unlocked. Reno thought it was strange, but he could hear the food calling him so he ignored all warnings going off in his head and went in. Reno walked into the shower rooms and froze. He locked eyes with a naked Genesis.

"DAMN YOU VINCENT!" Reno shook his fist in the air as he ran screaming out of the building.


End file.
